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woman who reads too much

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06:00 pm: a bit much
My hard drive died. So far it has been an opportunity to resolve to be better at backups, and to dust all the areas in and around the desk that are normally inaccessible (to me, not to mice), and to regret having given up Benadryl, and to discover that a big chunk of insulation has been chewed off the cable that connects the monitor to the computer, and to be grateful that I didn't discover that when the power was turned on. And to resolve to set mousetraps, if I can find places where the mice can get at them but Newt can't. And to notice all the other things that need cleaning that normally don't get cleaned because normally I have better things to do because normally I have a computer. And to think about trying to recall or retrieve all the passwords that I normally let my browser remember for me. And to mourn over everything else that I depend on my browser to remember for me, like, which of all the episodes of Would I Lie To You? that are available on youtube have I already watched?

Does watching another episode of Would I Lie To You? actually make me happier than sorting out all the crap that has accumulated in that corner of the living room? I don't know, but I know which one I choose when I have the choice.


Today I got a call from the surgeon's office, to say, still not cancer, but the medial margin of the chunk she took out is positive for papilloma, so I should get that re-excised. She'll call me tomorrow morning if I have any questions.

My sleep cycle has been really off since the surgery. Much more likely to be awake at 2 a.m. than 2 p.m. Mornings go: wake up, let the dogs out, pee, make a cup of tea, go back to bed. Tomorrow I will try to stay awake long enough to drink the tea.

I would like to ask the surgeon, "If this were your mother, would you advise her to have it re-excised? Seriously? You're a surgeon, you must know that every time you put someone under you increase their risk of developing dementia. How do you calculate the risk-benefit tradeoff? When you factor in that it has already cost your mother a large amount of money and considerable suffering, and that the reason for surgery was that there's this thing that shows up on mammograms that isn't cancer but might be hiding some cancer, you would seriously tell your mother, that didn't work so do it again? Seriously?"

It is not likely that I will be able to say any of that past the first question mark but I would like to.

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[User Picture]
From:redbird
Date:February 24th, 2015 03:05 am (UTC)
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It sounds like you have decided that the re-excision would be a bad idea. Maybe it would be worth talking to a different doctor rather than this surgeon again.
[User Picture]
From:boxofdelights
Date:February 24th, 2015 06:22 pm (UTC)
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No, I am open to an explanation of why this is the best choice. I just don't expect to get one.

There isn't anything about this doctor that makes me think that a different doctor will probably be better at giving explanations (and not jumping to the conclusion that wanting an explanation = not trusting your doctor = needing a different doctor.) My entire life experience with doctors, as their patient, as the mother of their patient, as their daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, housemate, and random conversational partner, leads me to believe that the average doctor is worse at coping with the reality of "I could be wrong" than the average person. And the average person is not good.
[User Picture]
From:randomdreams
Date:February 24th, 2015 03:36 am (UTC)
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There are traps that are entirely enclosed: little round black plastic things that are much harder for a dog nose to get into.
[User Picture]
From:boxofdelights
Date:February 24th, 2015 08:52 pm (UTC)
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Newt's nose, that is the part of his face from the stop forward, is smaller than a mouse. He is really little, yo.
[User Picture]
From:randomdreams
Date:February 25th, 2015 03:25 am (UTC)
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The ones I'm thinking of, the mouse has to go in and around a corner.
However, that may be large enough for his paw, if he's that small.

Put them in closets?
[User Picture]
From:lookfar
Date:February 24th, 2015 01:56 pm (UTC)
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Actually, that sounds like a really good series of questions. Maybe write them on a card first?

If you are not good about backing up, should you have a Carbonite subscription? It's how I compensated for my complete lack of backing up.
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