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woman who reads too much

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11:05 am: a thing that happened.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Susan." I said "yes" and turned around and found myself face to face with The Person at Wiscon I Don't Want To Interact With. I thought I had girded my loins for this. I was going to continue to refuse to interact with them (yes, even when you lean out of your chair at a 45-degree angle and wave your whole arm and spread hand in front of me, I cannot see you, is it not amazing) unless they forced me to, and then I would say clearly and firmly, "I still don't want to interact with you," and not care if I got judged to be a bitch.

I think if I had seen them coming, I would have been able to pull up my big-girl loin girds and do that. But they came from behind, and suddenly there we were, less than a foot apart and in conversation already.

Ten years of refusing to interact down the drain, because now they can say, "How was I supposed to know you didn't want to interact? We had a perfectly fine conversation at Wiscon 39!"

Swearword.

This entry was originally posted at http://boxofdelights.dreamwidth.org/269992.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

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[User Picture]
From:amaebi
Date:May 25th, 2015 07:07 pm (UTC)
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:(
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From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 05:15 am (UTC)
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Thank you.
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From:buymeaclue
Date:May 25th, 2015 08:04 pm (UTC)
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Argh, I'm sorry. Programming is hard.

You are still allowed to not interact with this person. Nothing has changed.
[User Picture]
From:the_siobhan
Date:May 25th, 2015 09:25 pm (UTC)
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Agree. Even if you just made the decision yesterday, you still have the right to say you don't want to talk to them.

It's really hard to get past that "must be polite" training. Trips me up every time.
[User Picture]
From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 05:14 am (UTC)
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Thank you.
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From:amaebi
Date:May 26th, 2015 02:10 am (UTC)
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Yep.
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From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 03:54 am (UTC)
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Yes. Thank you.
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From:lookfar
Date:May 25th, 2015 08:20 pm (UTC)
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I don't think so. If you can get up the courage, you can always take the NEXT opportunity to just tell the person. It's okay to go back to something that had you flummoxed at the time and say, for instance, "I was too taken aback at Wiscon 39 by your sudden approach to make it clear, but I'd prefer that you not talk to me."
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From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 05:14 am (UTC)
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I think you're right.
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From:lcohen
Date:May 26th, 2015 11:06 pm (UTC)
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i was thinking of something along these lines--in fact, if you felt up to it, you could send a note saying "i didn't feel up to making a scene at wiscon, but you approached me after i have specifically asked that we not interact any more and it made me extremely uncomfortable. this is my last communication with you on this or any subject--after this, i will involve the anti-abuse team." or something to that effect.

i'm sorry that that happened.
[User Picture]
From:lookfar
Date:May 27th, 2015 02:23 am (UTC)
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I'm not sure that Susan has ever spelled it out to this ijit, although most of us know that refusing eye contact means "go away and leave me alone."
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From:ljgeoff
Date:May 26th, 2015 12:30 am (UTC)
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This boggles me. Not that you were sidelined, but that this person still bothers you after your repeated requests that they leave you alone. If you want help with this, I volunteer.
[User Picture]
From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 03:36 am (UTC)
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The thing is, there weren't repeated requests. I said it once, when I decided I was Completely Done, and since then I have done my best to ignore them. I don't want to tell them, "This is how many attempts you have to make to get me to pay attention to you again."

(They aren't on LJ, so I think it's safe to express my exasperation here.)
[User Picture]
From:eeyorerin
Date:May 26th, 2015 01:12 am (UTC)
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Oh fudgebuckets. I am so sorry that happened.
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From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 03:36 am (UTC)
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Thank you.
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From:sophy
Date:May 26th, 2015 01:40 am (UTC)
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I'm sorry that happened. If this is a case of you've explicitly told them in the past you do not wish to interact with them, then contacting safety or the anti-abuse team might be a thing to try?
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From:boxofdelights
Date:May 26th, 2015 05:13 am (UTC)
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Thank you. That is a thing I could do, but I don't think this warrants it. I have explicitly told them, and I don't think I should have to say it twice, but... I could be wrong. I think I will go back to my previous plan, to ignore them unless the behavior becomes unignorable, and then say, "Leave me alone." And then see what happens.
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From:hobbitbabe
Date:May 26th, 2015 06:31 am (UTC)
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ARGH. That's so frustrating.

It might be one of those things where, you should not HAVE TO say it twice - it is a reasonable expectation that a person should take no for an answer - but this person is not following the rules of good manners. Given that, you still get to choose which response/strategy will be least distressing to you, and none of us knows the answer to that.

As I said last time, I would probably do what you are planning to do. I might also let a few people know what I'm doing and who the person is, and I might be willing to attempt the kind of glare / body language disturbance that would alert sensitive bystanders that there is Something. Like generating a huge startle and shudder if the person ever touched me.
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From:pennski
Date:May 31st, 2015 07:43 pm (UTC)
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This sounds like a good plan - boxofdelightslet me know if you need back-up if you decide to implement this.
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From:baratron
Date:May 26th, 2015 07:52 pm (UTC)
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Argh. How frustrating :(
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